PREFACE

What did you think about TPOT 3? I heard some people liked it, but didn't enjoy the pacing. I just didn't like 90 percent of it. A bunch of jokes drawn out horribly, lame characterisation........ This was more of a let-down as TPOT 2 had well accomplished in making us remember most of the unpopular characters. Granted, it had much more time to do so. Epic/Fuzzy later asked me to try rewriting like YAG 6. I realised characterising a cast who I barely know 10% of into a less than an hour "episode" is a scary ordeal for one person! After creating this, Epic did like it, and so did others, reassuringly! Although i must make it clear that I do not believe this is the best, superior version of TPOT 3. This is only my version, and I hope you enjoy! Made in 3-4 days.

Original TPOT 3 by jacknjellify here

TPOT 3 REWRITE
by TEXT WALL, MARCH 4, 2023

BELL: WELCOME TO TPOT 3!!!!!!!

SNOWBALL: WOULD YOU BE QUIET! Don't you know.. ONE of us is going to DIE in a few seconds!

TWO: Die? What in the world did the previous hosts DO to you when you were eliminated? None of that, all of you calm down.. and let's get to the voting.

(Nobody wants to see text walls version of showing numbers, you know the drill.)

TWO: Yup, sorry FOLDY. You got the short end here, you're leaving the show.
FOLDY: Oh dear!

FOLDY: Welp.. I had fun in the time i was here. See you all!
GRASSY: We'll miss you!
MARKER: Bye, FOLDY!
(FOLDY folds into a paper airplane.)

FOLDY: See you next split!
TWO: .......

TWO: At least they don't have to clean up all this junk from the previous challenge. What a mess of boxes and other accumulated junk!

(TWO snaps their fingers.)
TWO: That's it. TEAMS, you all need to recycle this mess into an amusement park attraction. When the sun sets, I'll rate your works from ONE to TEN! Whoever gets the lowest, is up for elimination!

GOLF BALL: Are you kidding me? We have a lab! This will be a piece of cake!
TENNIS BALL: Ex-actly my thoughts. I have a good idea. Everybody, group huddle!

(TEAM ARE YOU OKAY starts chattering whispers to one another)
EGGY: Hm..... what are they doing.. if only I can get a little close-

TENNIS BALL: NO EAVESDROPPING!
EGGY: AAARRGHHH
(TENNIS BALL pepper sprays EGGY.)

GOLF BALL: Everyone! To the LAB!
(TEAM ARE YOU OKAY retreats to the LAB.)

GOLF BALL: Presenting the MENTAL FABRICATOR HELMET! It creates whatever you set your mind to. Personally, I don't wear it because it hurts my brain.

GOLF BALL: But since PUFFBALL has no brain, she'll be the perfect fit! Try thinking of something really hard, PUFFBALL!

(A PONY appears out of thin air.)
GOLF BALL and TENNIS BALL: A-ha! It works!
PUFFBALL: I created a pony!...
PONY: neeeiigghh!

PUFFBALL: An EDIBLE PONY, too!
(PUFFBALL eats the heads off the PONIES.)
PONIES: (muffled neighing)
PUFFBALL: Sugar cookie flavor!
GOLF BALL: Oh. No, please do not do that ever again!
ERASER: Cool.

TV: Small amounts of brain waves detected from the other teams. Course of action?
GOLF BALL: Hmmm.. looks like the other teams are planning schemes of their own. I better try to help remedy that. TENNIS BALL, you take care of the base.
(GOLF BALL leaves the LAB.)

ERASER and PEN: WOO!!! No more GOLF BALL! The fun can begin.
TENNIS BALL: I think.. you'll see that i'm not as bossy as my friend GOLF BALL!

(Immediate scene change to what seems a recreation of a tragic dungeon. ERASER and PEN are fake-chained to fake rocks. PUFFBALL sits in the middle in a cardboard cage, forming thoughts. FRIES stands guard. TENNIS BALL and TV are above a balcony.)
PEN: This blows.
ERASER: Taking care of PUFFBALL while that dork sits high up there? Psh. Yeah.
TENNIS BALL: My name is not dork if you are referring to me. I am TENNIS BALL. You can also call me OVERLORD TENNIS BALL too if you like.

ERASER: Sorry PEN, i'm outta here. I'll see if i can pound some of the other teams.
PEN: Good luck, dude.
FRIES: See ya around, ERASER.
ERASER: See you two's later.
TENNIS BALL: Wait! I didn't give permission to-- Oh, well, uh.. I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO RUIN THE OTHER TEAMS! Good job! Uh...

(TEAM TEAM8'S project is well hidden behind a giant tarp.)
ERASER: HMMMMM... What's this all about?

GATY: You're not messing this up, ERASER.
ERASER: I might, I might not, who's to say.

GATY: We have SAW on our team, who has the fantastic advantage of cutting and building for this challenge. This challenge is perfect for us!

ERASER: It's also PERFECT for me to crush!

ERASER: ERASER KICK!! OOUGH!
GATY: You're not that strong, ERASER.

ERASER: If I can't go with FORCE, let's see if they can run at the speed of ERASER!

ERASER: OOUGH! OOUGH! OWGH!
(GATY easily defends against ERASER's barrage.)

GOLF BALL: What is ERASER doing? I didn't give him permission to be a fool in public. Sabotaging teams isn't that hard!

(GOLF BALL trips TEARDROP, who drops her RAYGUN and boxes.)
GOLF BALL: Like this!

(GOLF BALL and TEARDROP notice the RAYGUN and scramble to get it first.)
GOLF BALL and TEARDROP: ...!!!

(TREE grabs the RAYGUN.)
TREE: Alright, alright... what's all this? Is this something that can cause death?
GOLF BALL: Umm.. No, uh....

GOLF BALL: It's actually a TALKING RAY. You use it to talk to people, from far away. It's harmless... so just give it back.
TREE: Oh...

TREE: This TALKING RAY seems quite useful, I think I'll keep it for now.
(TEARDROP socks GOLF BALL in frustration.)

NICKEL: I dunno, is the cups nice enough?
CAKE: Don't worry about it, NICKEL. You and me designed this machine, it'll look great! Our combined creative force reflect on the CACKEL!
NICKEL: But what will BOOK think about the CACKEL?...

BOOK: Yeah, "what WOULD BOOK think about the CACKEL"? Let's see.. hmmmmmm....
NICKEL: ..!!

BOOK: ...Do i look like a CHECK BOOK to you guys? The material to make this is a valuable, bendy metal that goes around $500 a piece! The rocks around here hide it very well, too! I don't think the CACKEL is coming together, guys.

PRICE TAG: Hold on, you say 500 dollars, what if we were to find a rock full of it?
BOOK: Yeah, but there's no way of knowing that when they all look the same.

PRICE TAG: Well, let's check! This one's 600 dollars, 10 dollars, 450 dollars, All we need to do is find the $500 dollar one!
NAILY: They're right! Let's follow them!

(PILLOW, NAILY, and BOMBY follow PRICE TAG.)
BOMBY: There, I see they've got one!

NAILY: BRAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH THERE'S ROCKY AND ICE CUBE!!!
(ROCKY and ICE CUBE are seen taking back a tree to their team, THE S.)

(ROCKY spits some vomit acid at BOMBY's fuse, causing him to ignite.)
ROCKY: Bleh!
PRICE TAG: OH NO!!
BOMBY: Um, UM!!

(PILLOW, acting quickly, throws naily precisely to pierce BOMBY's fuse off, NAILY doesn't seem to appreciate that.)

(PILLOW thinks of a million actions that could possibly happen now that she has BOMBY's fuse. NAILY is embedded into the wall.)

(She decides to throw BOMBY's lit fuse at ROCKY.)
ROCKY: ?

(Does ROCKY know? ICE CUBE looks worriedly as BOMBY's fuse gets shorter upon ROCKY.)

(Luckily it goes out anyway. ICE CUBE calms down. PILLOW seems to know something and smiles.)

ROCKY: ....?? Bleh!
(ROCKY curiously ignites the fuse with his acid vomit)

(BDOOOOOOOOM!! Acid vomit is sent everywhere from the explosion.)

(LIGHTNING quickly shields his team, DEATH P.A.C.T AGAIN with a capable umbrella.)
MARKER: Cewl, colored rain!

TREE: Oh for crying out loud! Our awesome ANIMAL RESERVE is ruined by that acid rain!
FANNY: I HATED it anyway!

TREE: I don't totally disagree with that. We didn't even have any animals yet. I just get so worked up on it, yknow? I want some of those animals from like, the Channel 5 Discovery stuff.
REMOTE: What are you doing.
MARKER: Channel five.
(MARKER checks CHANNEL 5 on REMOTE's button)

(MARKER and REMOTE vanish temporarily)

(MARKER and REMOTE reappear with some animals from CHANNEL 5.)
TREE: What? MARKER? REMOTE? WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE? Wherever you found them, please bring more! This will be a fantastic reserve!

FANNY: Well, I still think I'll HAT-
(MARKER uses REMOTE to mute FANNY mid sentence.)

TREE: C'mon fellas! Let's give it another go! This animal preserve might even be a better goal than TWO's POWERS!
(TEAM DEATH P.A.C.T. AGAIN gets suited up.)

(Trombone sound effect.)

SNOWBALL: HMMRGH. I can't believe this. How is the STRONGEST idea from THE STRONGEST TEAM ON EARTH a food stand? Eating isn't a STRONG activity. Anyone can do that! Why i oughta..

ROBOT FLOWER: ACTUALLY, WE AREN'T THE STRONGEST TEAM ON EARTH ANYWAY.
SNOWBALL: Urgh!

(SNOWBALL flops defeatedly onto the ground.)
GRASSY: SNOWBALL!

GRASSY: I get that it isn't going your way, but I think of a team as different TALENTS! Everyone working together, differently! Perhaps you just have to meet them.. halfway!

SNOWBALL: You know what? Talking to you, has made me want to PUNCH something! I think i've got an idea!

SNOWBALL: Guys, GUYS! What if we PUNCH the food. Like this!
EGGY: Uh.. No.
BASKETBALL: Hold on a sec, EGGY! This could be the missing fun factor we've wanted! I've got a little amusement machine in my STORAGE, we can tie it to the food itself and--

BELL: THAT'S NOT OUR FOOD STAND! THAT'S MY FOOD! STOP MESSING IT UP!!
BASKETBALL: Oh, sorry. Let's go over to the food stand.

(SNOWBALL, BASKETBALL, and EGGY rush to the food stand, trampling BELL's food.)
BASKETBALL: So i've got this machine, and we can hook it up to measure strength levels! I think it'll be fun if we represented ourselves into it!
SNOWBALL: YEAH!!

BELL: My food..
BASKETBALL: So clearly it's GRASSY last..
GRASSY: Okay.
BASKETBALL: EGGY, then me...
EGGY: Fair enough!
BASKETBALL: Then SNOWBALL, BELL and Finally ROBOT FLOWER!!

SNOWBALL: WHAT!! HOW ARE TWO MEMBERS OF MY OWN TEAM STRONGER THAN ME??
ROBOT FLOWER: I AM QUITE STRONG. THAT'S A FACT!

SNOWBALL: I'll show you strength!
(SNOWBALL tosses a cream pie at ROBOT FLOWER.)

(ROBOT FLOWER effortlessly catches it mid-air...)

(...turns it around....)

(...and launches it back at SNOWBALL)

(SNOWBALL is launched cartoonishly throughout the air.)
SNOWBALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGHH!!

SNOWBALL: OOF!!
(SNOWBALL activates the food stand machine, and the level goes all the way up...)

(...to TWO level?)
TWO: Heya teams!

TWO: Alright, the sun's setting and it's almost time for the judging! I'll revive any lost team members now, so get onto it!

(TWO revives ROCKY and ICE CUBE.)
CLOCK: Aren't you guys supposed to be getting wood?? You two and BOTTLE should be decorating now! Don't you know that this moment is crucial! A big event for ALL-TIME! Don't you know what this is??

CLOCK: WINNER's getting up on that STAGE! We'll show everyone he's 100 times better than LOSER!
WINNER: You don't need to say it like that.
CLOCK: Sure. Whatever.

CLOCK: And between you and me, let's keep YELLOW FACE to prancing around the daises or something. You know as much as I he'd mess up this whole thing.
YELLOW FACE: HUH?

CLOCK: Ugh.. YELLOW FACE, you are never going on the stage.
YELLOW FACE: OH!! WHEN'S NEVER?
CLOCK: Always.
YELLOW FACE: I GET TO GO ON AlWaYs?!?! YIPEE!!
CLOCK: NO! I mean, you aren't going on that stage. Tonight.

YELLOW FACE: WHAT? BUT... THAT'S MY THING. BEING A HUGE CONMAN, SELLING ANYTHING IN SIGHT! IT'S MY TALENT!

CLOCK: No, it isn't. You aren't even a good conman. You lost your house to a rock.

(There it is.)

YELLOW FACE: I'LL SHOW YOU! BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAWWghhh!!
(YELLOW FACE flees the scene.)

YELLOW FACE: WAAAAAAaaaaggghhh!!
(YELLOW FACE speeds past ROCKY and his previously mentioned house.)

ROCKY: Bleh!
(ROCKY melts his house for no reason. WINNER writes this down in a jokebook.)

(ROCKY is satisfied.)
WINNER: Alright, i guess that isn't really THAT funny..
(WINNER erases the lines he wrote from his jokebook.)

ERASER: HEY, WINNER! You want to see a good joke? Check out GATY after this stunt. This'll do the trick. Just watch, and learn!

ERASER: HEY GATY. I think someone's calling you. You should pick up the phone.
(ERASER calls TEAM8'S phone. It starts ringing from inside the project.)
GATY: I think I know who it is, ERASER.

(PIN picks up the phone.)
PIN: Hello? Is this ERASER? Why are you calling us?

ERASER: BLAGHAHAHA!! YOU FREAKING DOOFUS! YOU FELL FOR IT! NOW WITH YOU OUT OF THE WAY I CAN JUST RUSH INSI-

ERASER: OUGH!

COINY: Thanks for defending our project for so long! Now, we can happily present our finished creation! Behold everyone!..

COINY: PHWOOSH!!
(COINY throws off the tarp off the project)
PIN: THE NO-WATER WATERSLIDE!! Made entirely of cut boxes!

DONUT: No-water waterslide... No-water.. waterslide..?...AAGHHH!!! WE HAVE NO WATER FOR OUR WATERSLIDE!!

DONUT: WE'RE MISSING THE WATER!!
PIN: Oh, yeah, shoot, you're right.
COINY: Calm down! We just need any liquid, right?..

(Waterphone sound effect. Everyone stares at the screen.)
NEEDLE: NO! NO!!! We are NOT doing that. It's disgusting! It's putrid!...

BARF BAG: What are you all looking at me for?
NEEDLE: We are NOT!!

(The siren/horn goes off.)
TWO: TIME'S UP!! Let's see those attractions!

(EVERYONE gathers 'round.)
TWO: Alright! You all know the deal. I'll rate your attractions from 1 to 10! Losers are the lowest scores! First up, TEAM8'S!!

TWO: Now.. I love waterslides, so this will be fun, I think!

TWO: Weeeee!!!!
(bschquelch!)

TWO: Wee!!!
(squelchblech!)

TWO: Wee...
(sbchelchsch!)

TWO: Wee.
(kreellquch!)

TWO: Well. Okay, other than being a bit chunky. I liked it! It was even my colour, so i'd give it a solid 6/10 for TEAM8'S!!

TWO: Now let's see about this carousel, JUST NOT!
CAKE: Uhh, can you just rate it from far away.. other than stepping into our... hard work...

TWO: C'mon, JUST NOT! Let's try it out!
(TWO leaps into one of the CACKEL's cups. Splech!)

(The CACKEL spins round and round.)
TEAM JUST NOT and TWO: Woohoo!!!
BOOK: By the way, PILLOW. Did you install those brakes like I asked?

PILLOW: No worries! I have one right here!
NAILY: STOP USING ME LIKE A TOOOOL!

(PILLOW uses NAILY as a brake, and the stopping force sends TWO out of his cup.)
BOOK: EEEK!

BOOK: See what you did, PILLOW? You lunatic!
TWO: Okay, well. As a ride, it needs some better safety measures.

TWO: But as a CLEANER, it's fantastic! I have no more of that sludge on me anymore! So, 9/10 for JUST NOT! Good one.

TWO: Now, i'm excited for you, DEATH P.A.C.T. AGAIN. I was wondering what's been going on here!
TREE: Feel free to see! But I'll be honest, TWO, our team may be leaving the competition; this is a swell achievement for our planet! But sure, rate it for fun!

TREE: Our animal preserve features many different types of endangered and rare animals! Our main prize is that SHMUCKO BIRD, it's the last one left alive!
TWO: What a splendid collection!

(GOLF BALL and TENNIS BALL use REMOTE to set FANNY's volume to 100.)
TENNIS BALL: What's your opinion on it, FANNY?
(FANNY breathes in and out monstrously.)

FANNY: I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAATE

(The animals are sent into a frenzy from the loud noise and break out of their confinements!)
DEATH P.A.C.T. AGAIN: THE ANIMALS! Catch them, Catch them!!

TREE: SCHMUCKO BIRD!! Come back, it's safe! Please!

TREE: It can't hear me! Here, this should work! SHMUCKO BIRD! Please come back, it's safe!
(TREE pulls out the "TALKING RAY".)

(THE SHMUCKO BIRD is zapped into a pile of ash.)

(DEATH P.A.C.T. AGAIN is in shock. TREE drops the RAYGUN.)
TREE: URK!!
MARKER: Wow, you talked it to death!

(BLACK HOLE breathes in...)

(...and out.)

TWO: Uh, Okay. That was horrible. 0/10 for DEATH P.A.C.T. AGAIN. Tragic.

GOLF BALL: Yeah, yeah, how sad, how sad. Let's go to our attraction!
(GOLF BALL snatches the RAYGUN.)

FRIES: Yo.
TWO: Oh, what is this? A rollercoaster??
GOLF BALL: The cars are made of boxes! The rest is created from PUFFBALLS mind! That's why we aren't going in.

(A pissed-off TEARDROP kicks GOLF BALL and TENNIS BALL into the boxcars as it starts.)

GOLF BALL, TENNIS BALL, and TWO: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
PUFFBALL: Welcome to PUFFBALL WORLD! Everything is about me! Entering PLANET PUFFBALL! The best planet in our solar system!

PUFFBALL: See?
TENNIS BALL: WHY ARE ALL THE PLANETS THE SAME SIZE???
GOLF BALL: VENUS IS NOT THE SAME SIZE AS JUPITER!! PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!!

(The ride ends after a few more PUFFBALL antics)
TWO: Okay, so not my type of ride. But I can definitely feel the limitless creativity from PUFFBALL! 10/10 for ARE YOU OKAY!
PUFFBALL: Thanks!
TWO: Now, let's look at TEARDROP's attraction!

ARE YOU OKAY: YEAH LET'S SEE TEARDROP'S ATTRACTION WHY DON'T WE DO THAT?!?!
(ARE YOU OKAY's not okay members GOLF BALL and TENNIS BALL stomp angrily to TEARDROP's scene.)

(ARE YOU OKAY foams at the mouth a bit. TEARDROP breathes in and out on top of a single box.)

(TEARDROP succeeds in landing a double frontflip.)
TWO: Wow. nice.
GOLF BALL: Hey, that's pretty good.
TENNIS BALL: Nice one.
FRIES: Not bad.
Pen: Ooh.

TWO: Solid one, TEARDROP! 6/10! Now let's go to that stage over there. It says this show will be cooler than LOSER!

WINNER: Hey, I was just looking at these decorations, and I think they are sort of embarrassing! Can we take them down? This is what i said NOT to do!
CLOCK: Relax! You see, your act doesn't really matter. But the advertisements will pull everyone in! WINNER's show trumps LOSER's! I can see the headlines now!
WINNER: I wouldn't want that to happen!
CLOCK: Look, just do it for the team, alright?

(WINNER is put onto the stage)

(CLOUDY activates a spotlight.)

WINNER: Alright. Hi everyone. Before I tell the jokes I have here, I must address something. I am not better than LOSER.

WINNER: I would never want to boost my own fame by tarnishing my old friends name. We don't do that to each other.

WINNER: So, i would prefer to be treated like a solo act. All these decorations were a mistake. In fact...

WINNER: I'm not sure i'm really in the mood for this, can someone else take my place?
(YELLOW FACE grins madly.)

(YELLOW FACE leaps into the air.)
YELLOW FACE: YAAAAAHOOOO!!!

(WINNER leaves the stage.)
YELLOW FACE: HI HI THERE EVERYONE! ARE YOU BOREd oF BEING BoRiNG?!?!

YELLOW FACE: PRESENTING... THE YELLOW FACE SHOW!!!

YELLOW FACE: AS QUICK AS MERCURY, AS FUNNY AS.. YELLOW FACE!! AS RAAAAMBUNCTIOUS AS ERASER!
(YELLOW FACE pushes over ERASER's ice cream.)

ERASER: That was rude and uncalled for.
YELLOW FACE: ALL. FOR. THE SMALL PRICE OF ADMISSION...

YELLOW FACE: A GAZILLION, SCHMILLION DOLLARS!!!

(Everyone throws tomatoes onto the stage.)
YELLOW FACE: Suggesting I go onto a vegetable diet? I thank you for your concern for my well-being!

(ROCKY barfs onto the stage.)
ROCKY: Bleh!
YELLOW FACE: Eeeyag!
(YELLOW FACE flees the stage.)

TWO: Eeeehhh.. okay. There's clearly some internal distress with THE S. But I do want YELLOW FACE to enjoy the tomatoes. So it's a 3/10 for THE S. Fix that.

TWO: Alright, STRONGEST TEAM ON EARTH! What is this, a strength test stand?
BASKETBALL: Yeah! Do you want us to rig up the machine to test your strength?
TWO: No need! I know my own strength.

(TWO knocks the food into the horizon)
TWO: See?
SNOWBALL: Sick!

TWO: By the time that lands, TPOT 4 will be out! I like it! Simple, but effective. THE STRONGEST TEAM ON EARTH gets a 7/10 score!

BELL: THAT'S NOT THE FOOD STAND! IT'S. OVER. HERE!! STOP MESSING UP MY FOOD!!

(Meanwhile, the pie continues it's flight through the air.)

(It smacks FOLDY, who has also been flying.)
FOLDY: Ow!!

FOLDY: ....That sucks!

THE END

AFTERTHOUGHTS

A lot of elements from the YAG rewrite show here. Animals, mostly! I was targeting some of my own negative aspects from TPOT 3. The fact that Golf Ball would for some reason choose to not wear the challenge-deciding helmet of creation is such an odd choice in the original. Also, I appreciate the original trying to make Eraser go harder on his joke, but killing people with the raygun is not fun to see him do. I made him acknowledge opposition instead, to continue the joke. By the way, speaking of gaty! Did you like the new characterisations of the characters? A bunch I made up because of their tiny amounts of screentime in the original TPOT! Pillow is based off of instinct rather than thought, Gaty defends, Grassy is a bit of a flowy guy, Nickel is a shy artistic type, and more. Team S sadly had an extra scene featuring Bottle, Ice Cube, and Cloudy taken out for flow. I can see why it's so difficult to make these TPOT episodes when you hardly have character. Who thought that many contestants would be a good idea? I hope you enjoyed, and perhaps when you and I are 70 years old TPOT will end. Thank you!